[100 Challenge] DanJi’s reading note_97

The relationship that protects me comes first
Angela Sen, author
Publishing teachers and parkers
Published on July 20, 2023.

It is an ironic situation that in the UK, it is instead a problem that psychotherapy has never received psychiatric counseling or that there is no problem. This shows that psychotherapy is no longer a stigma of abnormality to be avoided and hidden. In fact, in the UK, an average of 1 in 5 people suffer from depression or anxiety that requires treatment, and in the youth, it soars to 1 in 2. Statistics show that the economic loss in the UK due to psychiatric problems is increasing day by day, with a burden of 160 trillion won per year. National hospitals in the UK employ and operate services with 100% tax, so psychotherapists and clinical psychologists are thoroughly verified and managed. Since only experts who have obtained qualifications from authoritative certification bodies recognized by the Ministry of Health can work on iApps, iApps are a kind of 'psychotherapy quality mark.' The professional, systematic, and convenient accessibility of iApps received a great response and became a 'public counseling center' in the UK, which is visited by 1.6 million people annually.

There is certainly a healthy alternative that maintains the balance of "warm but firm, friendly but not pushy" and does not swing or be swayed. We are lost and swayed by information overflowing from here and there, such as how to say things without hurting our feelings, engaging in conversations, and not being swayed. The reason is that we have not learned what and how to communicate healthily. Your worries and fears will hold you back even if you try to say what you have learned. You fall into the inertia of your mind, which is swayed like a habit. Learning, practicing, and "troubleshooting" should go hand in hand.
Healthy communication begins when you take the center of gravity and communicate with your mind first rather than reading and moving the minds of others. Now is the time to bring the center of gravity to yourself.
1. Healthy communication expresses my thoughts, emotions, and needs and takes responsibility accordingly.
2. Healthy communication respects the other person's and me's right to express ourselves simultaneously.
3. Healthy communication is a skill, not a personality.
The first element of healthy communication is clearly and independently expressing what I think, feel, and want.
The critical factor is acknowledging that the other person has the right to say what they say, just as I can say what I have to say without being swayed. Here, the consideration and warmth of respecting the other person's rights do not match everything to the other person. It means that anyone can learn and practice to improve their communication skills. Since it is a learning process through trial and error, there is no need to blame yourself too much for making a mistake. Even if there is a 'quality,' it is the skill not to develop unless it is designed, and it is the skill that anyone can do better if they learn and practice.
The problem is not the conflict but how you respond to it. Warm and firm communication skills are fundamental to correct communication and relationships. Through healthy communication with myself, I can recognize and express my mind effectively through healthy communication with others. Strong communication does not accumulate emotions but develops the power to resolve problems and conflicts in a relationship smoothly.

You can find out what kind of behavior the firm Park Hyung does when communicating.
1. Without being nervous, there is no anxiety or hesitation in the speaking voice and a sense of stability and relaxation.
Speak appropriately without many ups and downs so that the voice is not too loud or too small and the height does not rise or fall severely.
2. Speak at a speed that is not too fast or too slow to speak at the right speed, and talk at the correct interval between words.
Speak calmly. Communicate situations and thoughts calmly without using overly emotional expressions or getting excited.
3. Use clear sentences. Finish the sentence clearly without dragging the words or blurring the end of the sentence.
Appropriately, making eye contact properly distributes your gaze toward the object without looking at it or avoiding it. If you avoid making eye contact with the other person, it is highly likely to be transmitted in a negative sense.
4. Taking a stable posture: If you lean to one side or maintain an unstable posture for a long time, you will look anxious and uncomfortable. The bent and atrophy posture may appear passive, and on the contrary, if you lean back with your legs open, you may seem to have no respect for the other person or an indifferent attitude. The firm form shows a moderately comfortable posture without being rigid or awkward.
5. Maintaining the Right Distance: A distance too close can invade the other person's area and be uncomfortable. A too far distance may seem to provide that much communication distance. An appropriate distance is required for healthy communication, but in general situations, except for very close relationships, the distance when the arm is extended forward is appropriate.
6. Responding positively, depending on the situation, responding through nods or gestures and expressing interest.
7. Express appropriate emotions according to the content of the words that match the words. For example, if you say 'I don't want to' clearly and calmly, you will be warm and firm, but if you scream, you will be aggressive.